Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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