this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
