It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
