i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
