1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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