if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize