i think my tv is drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
