You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize