I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
