i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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