Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
