Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
