We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
