is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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