You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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