New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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