after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
