Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
