I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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