oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
