LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize