this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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