Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
