Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
