I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
MIDGETS
????
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
