Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
