i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
