remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
