his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
