My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
