Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
