I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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