well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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