Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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