I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
