ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
