I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
