His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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