you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
