I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
