At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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