And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
