When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
