she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
