Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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