would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
