My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
