Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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