we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize