My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize