College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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