Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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