so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
