So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
