i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
