Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize