Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
