i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
