ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
