My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
