literally had 100 drinks last night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
