we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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