wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize