Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
