so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
