the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
