3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
