he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ruined the universe
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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