if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize